i will find you

black oceans spread between
the joining of our torn souls.
no matter where you go
my heart is bigger.
no mortal love can touch you.
majestic trees, I climb their tops
i close my eyes and
search my heart
i will find you.
though you constantly move within shadows
or remain hidden in your closed box
i will find you.
a place where no one will touch you
wrapped in your darkest cloak
i will find you.
my soul leads me, blindly yet strongly
to yours
can’t you feel me calling?
i will find you.
the blackest waters
the thickest rain
the empowering forests
your highest mountain
hidden behind the sun
i will find you.

Alive

you helped me enter
my own hidden country
finding out that I’m the girl
who runs wild in the forest.
it was a shared dream
but do I have what it takes
to push my dreams even further?

i remember a way of being
so true, so passionate inside
and even though, I have nothing to hide
my dream sits on its shelf.

no matter what has happened
the pain has finally died,
you make me feel so full of myself
and all I want is to ride
because you make me feel alive.

you make me feel mischievous, wild
so free, like I could fly
the rooster’s crow first thing in the morning
to wishing on stars at night.

3am on a Porch

your long blonde hair falling
into your face as you laugh.
not a light in this darkness
black makes us more comfortable…
two small glowing coals
the tips of our cigarettes touch.
i can feel you breathing beside me.
a cool breeze brushes our feet
as they perch on the porch wall.
sweet incense coming from your mouth
inviting to share.
your fingers caress mine for a moment,
then slide back to take another drag
shyness or coincidence?
i can hear your heart talking to me…
it’s pretty loud and clear
what a question to ask…
forever is such a long time
to a naïve like me.
my wings tuck behind me
as I settle in
deeper into the couch.
funny thing,
how I can hear your heart
and you’ve never said a word to me.

Carribean Blue

i’m remembering the night
with its stars
flashing like fireworks
just for me and you.
our walk on the beach
the sand so cool beneath my feet
the palm trees rustling the air
i can hear the calypso beats
from further down the beach
such hot dancing
on such a hot night.
i look up into the same sky
now
so further away
and I can imagine
that I see the same stars
that I saw
down there.

July 18, 2006
14:29

i lay back in my cool bed
the curtains blowing, brushing over my body.
smooth mellow of Robertson
pushing my heartbeat
into a steady pulsating rhythm
my eyes half closed
as I relax.
the light bass
my heart begins to sing to me
softly at first
and then it comes louder
filling my ears
my soul
with a peace.
so cool, so relaxed.
his voice a reminder
of what I have
what I have had.
cool blue lights
my blue pupils following the notes
that grace themselves through the air
my face feels so soft under my fingertips
my closed eyelids
soft eyelashes
eyebrows
my cheekbone
a woman’s
soft lips
dry yet smooth
my body warm
my candle light dancing before me
filling my head with lazy thoughts
soft shadows on the wall
more defined on the page
my loose pen.
my aura dancing sensuously
in the corner
of my bed.
i see the streets below me
the lights, the cars
the cool breeze
blowing my head
fogging my mind
stars so soft in the thick sky
so high above the city.
my baby in my bed
so heavily asleep.
drambuie, chilled with one ice cube
in an old glass on the railing
so sweet in my mouth
i lick my lips hungrily
licking off the remaining liquor.

the rain comes
without a warning
just comes down hard
pinching my skin
pushing my long hair into my face,
the smell of sweetness.
i look up into the sky
feeling my soul soar up
looking for answers to pressing questions.
it finds it
entering my body
the rain washes me pure.
it stops.

i stand, my arms stretched out
little drops falling from my fingertips,
my nose
my eyelashes.
i taste the rain
droplets down my smooth back
the rest of my Drambuie, wasted.
i toss it over the side
never hearing it touch the ground.
i sit again in my plastic chair
my painted toes up on the railing
i close my eyes
a shiver goes through me
of knowing.
i now know…

The soft voices are calling me
Their melodious whisperings are so intriguing
I want to follow them.
I feel the peace that they are bringing to me.
Peace.

I can just imagine the big white sailboat
Slowly cruising through the Mediterranean sea
Heading for the mountains
The wind si blowing my hair
Lifting it from my eyes so that I can see better.
The smell of salt, the stinging on my warm skin
The sun is so orange
And the sky is so purple
I feel like I’m in a fairytale
But I’m going home.

July18, 2006
14:23

the bar

The smoke is thick and is filling my lungs
With an intoxication deeming death
The beer stains on the mahogany
Have been there forever.
I shut my eyes and draw a breath…
Looking around me so much pathetic grief
Men and women with tired eyes
Clutching their cigarettes as though their last
Laughing too loud, falling off their chairs.
I feel so sympathetic yet disgusted
With this life
I can do better
I walk out
A rat crawls in front of me
And looking at me
Shrieks in terror
And dies.