the dragons are singing

2010-01-30T12:11:00.001-07:00

you were kindled
like a hot flame,
burning into
the black night.
my eyes attracted
to the brightness,
the colour
of your light.
i hovered,
i danced
around your fire,
fleeting,
about to miss,
coming in too close,
too intrigued,
i burnt myself
on your kiss.
my heart was pulled
in different ways
that i didn’t understand.

this cannot be.

so I dream of you
and what could be
and then
i snuff
you out.

2010-01-30T12:10:00.001-07:00

you can’t really see
how old i am
because my soul is copious
with youth…

but i have lived a million years
a million lives
and i have seen it all.

can you bother to look past my charms
to see the wisdom i have inside?
i can only lead you so far.

and when the rug gets pulled
from under your feet
i will only laugh.

2010-01-13T12:49:00.004-07:00

i
do not
want
to
be
thinking
of
you.

i see
your
deep eyes
beckoning
me.
flirting
with
me.

i
turn
away
and
smash
my fingers
In a drawer.

2010-01-13T12:49:00.003-07:00

it was just a kiss
nothing else.
a fleeting moment
of lips touching,
the warmth and softness of it.
the world stopped
as i felt your passion,
your hurts and your dreams,
as your lips
caressed mine.
i felt your pulse quicken
with the thought of
what if?
and the world began again,
as we pulled apart,
and said good night.

where i'm sitting

2010-01-13T12:49:00.001-07:00

i’m in the coffee shop
drinking my iced soy latte,
trying to figure out
why the sun won’t reach
to where i’m sitting.
i can see it so clearly
through the windows,
and it’s bright and shiny
but much too far away
from where i’m sitting.
i’d like to change seats,
to change tables,
with the lady in the yellow sweater,
because the warm sun
is on her back,
and she’s still scowling anyway.

2010-01-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

the sky is just holding its breath,
waiting for the sun to set.
then i can pull its black blanket
up for a good night sleep.
those little stars are keeping me
awake,
with their loud twinkling,
tickling across my face,
winking as they know
exactly what i’m thinking.

But i just want to sleep.

i want to clear my mind
because i can’t clear my heart,
and sooner or later
the tears will come,
making me so tired
that i’ll slip into some
trance-like state,
and the morning sun
will try to greet me
more loudly than normal,
trying to convince me
that today’s a new
and better day.

2010-01-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

can’t you hear me screaming?

my mouth is wide
and the sky is void
and i’m trying to fill it with my voice.
hear me!

where is your heart?

you left it at my house!

and everywhere i turn
everywhere i look
it’s there,
mocking me.

let me in,
it sings to me.
i cover my ears to block it out
but i can feel it trying to enter me
so i scream.

why did you leave your heart here
for the relentless aide memoire?

i want…I WANT TO LOVE YOU!

but i’m too afraid.
afraid i’ll fall so hard and so fast
that i’ll explode into a million pieces.

so i scream.

two headlights

2010-01-13T12:43:00.001-07:00

two headlights shine
on the gravel where i step
illuminating the silver stripes
in my shoes.

the blackened grass is more defined
their greenness, a memory.
little bits of paper,
wrappers,
styrofoam cups
glow beside me
in the ditch.

the stars are darker
and i can’t see the moon.

my steps slow as i am blinded
by the brightness
then
the two headlights
pass by
disappearing into the night,
leaving me in
darkness
once again.

2010-01-13T12:41:00.001-07:00

i thought you were...
different.

my cries are getting louder
from the back seat of my car
where i hide
from you.

i’m not special.

i’m not your
waking moment
or your breath
before you fall asleep.

i gave you everything.

i gave you
me.

2010-01-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

i’m walking down this crowded street
looking for a voice that sounds like yours
because I can see you face everywhere
and I’ve run myself to exhaustion
chasing you down
to ask you to come back.
but I’m in the wrong city
on the wrong side of the world…
you just left.
i tried to chase you, to follow you
but you hopped onto a plane
or boat
or subway
without a trace.
all of your things, you left behind
in our apartment
and all I can do is wait
to see if you’ll remember what you had forgotten
and come get it
along with
me…..

a glimpse of wilderness

2010-01-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

i saw the two of them
it seems on a first date.
they both had their coffee
and the weren’t quite looking at each other
but they kept trying to outdo each other
with their stories
their hand actions getting bigger and bigger
and they kept interrupting each other
not really listening at all.

i think they caught a glimpse
of the wilderness beyond
and would rather stare out the window
with their arms flailing
then to try living alone.

August 29, 2006

cinnamon boy

2010-01-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

i passed you
on the way to class
and your eyes caught my attention
so I looked again…
and we passed each other
the smell of cinnamon
in the air.
i closed my eyes and breathed it in
and pictured warm nights
with me in your arms
and cinnamon
in the air…

i can't save you

2010-01-13T12:33:00.004-07:00

i can try to save you
but you have to open your heart
to me.
it's dark outside
so i can't see the shame
as you explain
what you believe in.

the moon is hiding
as are you.

i just sit and breathe quietly
while i let you slide closer
beside me.

your fingers placed at your side
are lightly touching my leg
seeking warmth
or acknowledgment
or something.

i just nod and stare at the sky.

and once you've purged yourself
i kiss you
softly
and leave.

January 13, 2010 14:36

i will find you

2010-01-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

black oceans spread between
the joining of our torn souls.
no matter where you go
my heart is bigger.
no mortal love can touch you.
majestic trees, I climb their tops
i close my eyes and
search my heart
i will find you.
though you constantly move within shadows
or remain hidden in your closed box
i will find you.
a place where no one will touch you
wrapped in your darkest cloak
i will find you.
my soul leads me, blindly yet strongly
to yours
can’t you feel me calling?
i will find you.
the blackest waters
the thickest rain
the empowering forests
your highest mountain
hidden behind the sun
i will find you.

Alive

2010-01-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

you helped me enter
my own hidden country
finding out that I’m the girl
who runs wild in the forest.
it was a shared dream
but do I have what it takes
to push my dreams even further?

i remember a way of being
so true, so passionate inside
and even though, I have nothing to hide
my dream sits on its shelf.

no matter what has happened
the pain has finally died,
you make me feel so full of myself
and all I want is to ride
because you make me feel alive.

you make me feel mischievous, wild
so free, like I could fly
the rooster’s crow first thing in the morning
to wishing on stars at night.

3am on a Porch

2010-01-13T12:06:00.002-07:00

your long blonde hair falling
into your face as you laugh.
not a light in this darkness
black makes us more comfortable…
two small glowing coals
the tips of our cigarettes touch.
i can feel you breathing beside me.
a cool breeze brushes our feet
as they perch on the porch wall.
sweet incense coming from your mouth
inviting to share.
your fingers caress mine for a moment,
then slide back to take another drag
shyness or coincidence?
i can hear your heart talking to me…
it’s pretty loud and clear
what a question to ask…
forever is such a long time
to a naïve like me.
my wings tuck behind me
as I settle in
deeper into the couch.
funny thing,
how I can hear your heart
and you’ve never said a word to me.

Carribean Blue

2010-01-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

i’m remembering the night
with its stars
flashing like fireworks
just for me and you.
our walk on the beach
the sand so cool beneath my feet
the palm trees rustling the air
i can hear the calypso beats
from further down the beach
such hot dancing
on such a hot night.
i look up into the same sky
now
so further away
and I can imagine
that I see the same stars
that I saw
down there.

July 18, 2006
14:29

2010-01-13T11:46:00.002-07:00

i lay back in my cool bed
the curtains blowing, brushing over my body.
smooth mellow of Robertson
pushing my heartbeat
into a steady pulsating rhythm
my eyes half closed
as I relax.
the light bass
my heart begins to sing to me
softly at first
and then it comes louder
filling my ears
my soul
with a peace.
so cool, so relaxed.
his voice a reminder
of what I have
what I have had.
cool blue lights
my blue pupils following the notes
that grace themselves through the air
my face feels so soft under my fingertips
my closed eyelids
soft eyelashes
eyebrows
my cheekbone
a woman’s
soft lips
dry yet smooth
my body warm
my candle light dancing before me
filling my head with lazy thoughts
soft shadows on the wall
more defined on the page
my loose pen.
my aura dancing sensuously
in the corner
of my bed.
i see the streets below me
the lights, the cars
the cool breeze
blowing my head
fogging my mind
stars so soft in the thick sky
so high above the city.
my baby in my bed
so heavily asleep.
drambuie, chilled with one ice cube
in an old glass on the railing
so sweet in my mouth
i lick my lips hungrily
licking off the remaining liquor.

the rain comes
without a warning
just comes down hard
pinching my skin
pushing my long hair into my face,
the smell of sweetness.
i look up into the sky
feeling my soul soar up
looking for answers to pressing questions.
it finds it
entering my body
the rain washes me pure.
it stops.

i stand, my arms stretched out
little drops falling from my fingertips,
my nose
my eyelashes.
i taste the rain
droplets down my smooth back
the rest of my Drambuie, wasted.
i toss it over the side
never hearing it touch the ground.
i sit again in my plastic chair
my painted toes up on the railing
i close my eyes
a shiver goes through me
of knowing.
i now know…

2010-01-13T11:45:00.002-07:00

The soft voices are calling me
Their melodious whisperings are so intriguing
I want to follow them.
I feel the peace that they are bringing to me.
Peace.

I can just imagine the big white sailboat
Slowly cruising through the Mediterranean sea
Heading for the mountains
The wind si blowing my hair
Lifting it from my eyes so that I can see better.
The smell of salt, the stinging on my warm skin
The sun is so orange
And the sky is so purple
I feel like I’m in a fairytale
But I’m going home.

July18, 2006
14:23

the bar

2010-01-13T11:45:00.001-07:00

The smoke is thick and is filling my lungs
With an intoxication deeming death
The beer stains on the mahogany
Have been there forever.
I shut my eyes and draw a breath…
Looking around me so much pathetic grief
Men and women with tired eyes
Clutching their cigarettes as though their last
Laughing too loud, falling off their chairs.
I feel so sympathetic yet disgusted
With this life
I can do better
I walk out
A rat crawls in front of me
And looking at me
Shrieks in terror
And dies.

Untitled

2010-01-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

once I took a picture of you
laying beneath the tree
your thoughts up at the sky
i would have given anything to know
what you were thinking.
then we met and we talked
so interesting…so..intriguing.
i liked it. I liked you.
the trees came alive again
with someone to share it with
the wind so crisp
the sun so warm, so beautiful
you are.
deep within my heart stirs the darkest secret known
could I ever tell you?
so close so many times
but entranced by your beauty
you are.
and then tonight by the shining stars
i could no longer hold back
so I told you
and now you know…
you are…

The River

2010-01-13T11:40:00.001-07:00

the river is so beautiful
little bubbles from the frothing current
and autumn leaves
slip down
the river.
it’s loud enough so you can block out
people shouting
the train
your mind.
no thoughts except for
an intense peace.
the wind shifts and blows the leaves
onto the paper that I’m
writing this on.
my hands are cold
my feet are cold
but my face
my soul
my heart
feel pure.
the trees in the breeze
telling me ‘hush
let us take away your sorrows
let us take your pain
feel the peace
take our strength
it’s ours to give
to those who love
the river…
the river makes me feel
beautiful.

Stealing a Kiss

2010-01-13T11:36:00.000-07:00

i was in love with someone,
as you were.

quiet night,
serious talks,
dreams passed between us.
i knew you,
you knew me.
the moment came,
and then it left,
embarrassed.
i dropped you off,
you turned and thanked me,
stealing a kiss
from my lips
and tongue…

…i didn’t resist…

like a goldfish

2010-01-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

you think you can take your hand
and reach out for my soul
like a net reaching in the water
of a goldfish bowl.
you pull it out holding on
grasping it so tight,
but by holding it away from me
i’ve lost all my sight.
Like a goldfish in your hand
I cannot leave my bowl
or else i’ll die, my love a gone
vanishing with my soul.

Slowly Awakening

2010-01-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

Slowly awakening in the bright moonlight
Legs entwined tightly around mine
Your face is pressed against my neck
Your soft breath sending shivers down me
Your fingers touch my face
My cheeks, my eyelashes
You’re breathing me in.
I lie there quietly
Wishing you would speak aloud
So I would know what you are thinking.

dreams and sobs

2008-05-07T15:48:00.002-07:00

dreams and sobs
stuck fast in my throat
as i watch what i want
fade away.

it seems to easy to reach
to grasp tightly
within my fingers
and yet
and yet
it's too far away.

how can i stand
to watch everyone else
achieve their dreams
so peacefully?

i debate
climbing into bed
and hiding beneath
the duvet for a few days
until the world
looks a little bit
brighter.

a phone call

2008-03-09T09:29:00.003-07:00

it's me.
i'm calling from a payphone
at a diner
somewhere in the middle
of arizona.
i know i haven't called
in a really long time
but i've never had
much to say.
the roads are good
and the oil's been changed
and i haven't fallen asleep
at the wheel.
i think about you
and what could have been
should have been
might have been.
well my time is almost up
i don't have any more change
the operator keeps cutting through
so i don't have long at all.
i don't know where i'm going
i don't know when i'll get there
i guess all i know for sure
is that i still love you.

Close to Home

2008-02-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

Close to home
I cannot stay
Close to home
Feeling so far away.

I can’t return
To the comforts I once found
Hidden within
Your anger.

Close to home
I cannot sail
Close to home
Feeling so far away.

I’ve found a new path
Having been lost
In the ocean
Thrust before me.

The memories
Those memories
I left behind.

I go on believing
That this time
Is real
I’m just lost
In a feeling
Never knowing
The reason
As a child
Never knowing.

The path
Is wide open
But it’s closed
To me.
I can’t go down it
Again.
I can’t go back
Hidden
In your anger.

Close to home
I cannot stay
I’m so close to home
But I won’t come closer
Your anger
Pushing me away
Keeping me away
Leaving me safe
Yet so lost
With the ocean
Hiding the paths
To anywhere
I think
I should
Be.

sailing home

2007-10-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

where are you?
why am i still waiting?

i feel so cold
the northern winds
chilling my soul.

my anguish is
screaming from the distant shores.

i've been waiting so long
for you.

my fears deep inside
are rising again
and i have no control

i run away

when will it be time to go?
when will you come for me?

i want so badly to go
home

the pounding of the ocean
as i follow the morning star
trying to sail home
to you.

the wind is so strong
so bitter
it hurts my lungs.

i'll keep sailing
across these oceans
until i find you
on the distant shores.

will you warm my soul?
fire up
my dwindling passion?

i'm barely hanging on
as i try to sail home
to you.

2007-10-05T10:46:00.001-07:00

here i am
late again
surprised that
You didn't mind waiting.
i pull up a chair
to find You near
as i tell you
my heart is breaking.
You're always here
to calm my fear
that i am not suffering alone.
regardless of pain
You pull me in
I was always Yours
since the beginning.

Simplicity

2007-05-31T14:22:00.000-07:00

it’s 4am,
and the sky is so gray,
so bleak.

the radio needs to be turned up,
so that i can hear it over the heavy breathing beside me.

10 more hours, 1000km to go
until my life begins
again.
i’ve thought through everything
every possible plan,
the nerves in my neck, hurting.
i need to make the best decision
the best choice,
to follow the right road,
like the road i’m on now.

my eyes shift from side to side
looking for signs
for obstacles,
to make me change my mind.

follow the yellow lines.

and the light hits me.
that bright pink light
fills the entire sky
at 4:23 am.
and the song is singing to me
about simplicity.
and the sun rises,
removing the fog from the road,
from my eyes,
and everything is clear
as light…

Cannot Be

2007-05-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

you were kindled
a hot flame,
burning into
the black night.
my eyes attracted
to the brightness,
the colour
of your light.
i hovered,
i danced
around your fire,
fleeting,
about to miss,
coming in too close,
too intrigued,
i burnt myself
on your kiss.
my heart was pulled
in different ways
that i didn’t understand.

this cannot be.

so I dream of you
and what could be
and then
i snuff
you out.

shifting

2007-05-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

i will dream
of the next time
we touch.

shifting waters
as I reach
out to you.
shifting waters
pull you away
our fingers
no longer grasping
what we had.

don’t stray from me

hold tight to the ocean
let it bring you into
the shore
and i’ll be waiting
for you
once more.

The Mushroom House

2007-05-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

deep within the forest,
beneath thick trees,
awaits the mushroom house.

its door hasn’t been opened,
and the flowers haven’t been tended
in a very long time.
dust is thick and gritty
in the teapot and cups.
the woolen curtains are drawn tightly
to keep out the cold,
and the fireplace is dry
and empty.

but it waits.

it waits patiently for
the faeries to come.

it waits for long-lost hugs,
and pealing laughter
to fill the wooden,
herb filled rafters.

for fresh purple flowers
to be planted in aged pots,
and copper bells tinkling
from swinging wind chimes.
for the door to be swung wide open
and the settled cobwebs to be swept away.
for the stone fireplace to be lit
and used tea bags to be
strewn about
on tables and saucers.

it waits.

will you come in?